Softcore porn that I read with my mom...

OK. If one has ever taken an English class with Shamus, one would remember his speaking of one of his favorite books, Ulysses. Shamus claimed it was about a man who lives the Odyssey in one day (then again, I could be screwing up my memories, but I think that's what he said). Sounds like a decent book, no? Something of a classic, by the way Shamus described it.

Imagine my surprise when I open it to a random page and the first line that I show to my aunt to read to my mother is this: Private Carr: (Tugging at his belt.) I'll wring the neck of any bugger says a word against my fucking king.

Private Carr gets angrier on the next page, shouting: I'll wring the neck of any fucking bastard says a word against my bleeding fucking king.

Among other obscenities (which the book went on trial for, apparently... the introduction to the book includes the Judges decision. it's qute interesting.), there are the characters 'Cunty Kate' and 'Biddy the Clap,' and 'the Reverend Mr Haines Love,' who moons the crowd with a carrot stuck up his bum. There were so many phallic symbols and use of the gaelic language in the small section of the book that I had read, that when I started reading from the beginning to find Buck Mulligan blessing his surroundings and shaving equipment, my mother asked if he was blessing his shillelagh as well. I nearly DIED! My mother is insane. She makes me chuckle. I was laughing so hard and all my aunt could do was put her head in her hands and sigh.

Here's a choice part (note: not rated G) of the book where 'The Croppy Boy' is being hanged. His stomach has already ben cut open, but he isn't dead yet. This section is the description of his hanging: (He gives up the ghost. A violent erection of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his death clothes on the cobblestones. Mrs Bellingham, Mrs Yelverton Barry and the Honourable Mrs Mervyn Talboys rush forward with their handkerchiefs to sop it up.)

The hangman then proceeds to stick is his head into the Croppy Boy's gaping stomach. He pulls his head out, covered in blood and entrails, and proclaims "My painful duty has now been done. God save the king!"

On the upside, about 10 pages before, two people were blowing each other "ickylickysticky yumyum kisses."






I think this book will prove very amusing. If not life altering (read: scarring).